The art of loving yourself – A continuous lesson in personal evolution
by Anisoara Laura Mustetiu
The Price of Lovelessness
The journey to self-love often passes through suffering. A human being devoid of self-love becomes lost in life’s chaos—drawn by the net of destiny onto unknown and often unwanted paths. The price of lovelessness is steep. One suffers, falls frequently, survives more than truly lives, and longs for love from external sources. It is begged for through uncertain attitudes and behaviors, lacking trust in one’s own values. In the absence of self-love, the soul becomes fragile—a leaf carried by the wind, easily wounded, easily broken.
In the book Between Kiss and Pain, I wrote:
“A woman’s list of pains seems endless when she has not learned what self-love is, when she is not aware, in every life situation, of who she truly is. Her suffering is caused less by the world and more by her own thoughts—by how she perceives herself, by the depth of her perceptions. A woman who does not love herself perceives her worth through how others treat her. And others will wound her with indifference. She will continue to lament her falls, forgetting her victories. She will detest her weaknesses while simultaneously ignoring her strengths. And yet, she will strive to be a strong woman, though she has always been strong. That woman will remain haunted by pain until she realizes who she truly is.”
I wish that in the tender years of childhood, I had learned that self-love is not a whim, nor is it selfishness or vanity. It is the foundation upon which the entire being is built—the root from which inner balance, courage, and the strength to overcome life’s trials emerge.
Back then, this concept was a vague shadow—neglected and distorted. Society cloaked it in an unfair stigma, mistaking it for narcissism or a lack of generosity. But what a profound mistake! A person who does not love themselves becomes vulnerable to the world—doubting their own worth. It is a price paid daily, not in money, but in tears. They do not know the joy of simply existing and are constantly searching for an external ray of light, always hoping that someone else will illuminate the unknown within them. They hunger for affection and seek it through doubtful gestures, extravagance, and desperate attempts to stand out.
Had people been told in those years that self-love is nourishment for the soul—that it does not make them selfish, but rather better, brighter, and more capable of truly loving—perhaps their lives would have been more fulfilled. They would have suffered less, loved more, seized opportunities rather than missed them and found greater success.
True Self-Love Does Not Come from Magic Formulas—It Has Its Laws
Nowadays, self-love is often promoted, but sometimes in a superficial and distorted manner. I do not believe that self-love develops through positive affirmations—words spoken mechanically in front of a mirror, devoid of true feeling. Perhaps such words bring fleeting comfort. However, in life’s real and challenging moments, what truly matters is what exists within us.
Self-love is not cultivated through automatism. It does not take root in empty declarations. It is not a surface-level exercise but an internal process of connection with one’s being. Looking back on the lessons gifted by life’s experiences, I understand that love cannot be forced, nor can it be rushed. It follows its laws—ones that cannot be penetrated by mere will. It is an intense and emotional experience, deeply woven into the journey we undertake in life.
Self-Love – A Choice, A Natural Effect
Self-love is born from a natural process, a profound understanding of one’s own being. It grows slowly, like a flame finding its strength in an inner source. It evolves through recognition—formed in those moments of introspection when we look back and understand the efforts we have made, the suffering we have endured, the resilience we have shown in the face of life’s challenges, the strength we have found to rise when fatigue or pain has knocked us down, and the kindness we have shown ourselves in embracing our vulnerability and limitations. It becomes impossible not to love ourselves when we recognize our purpose, our struggles, our suffering, and our countless qualities. When we understand that we are not victims but the heroes of our own story.
Self-love is a phenomenon born of awareness. It is tied to that ability—introspection, reflection, and a deep understanding of one’s own being. A painful truth is that in a society where criticism has become instinct and judgment a habit, reflection, recognition, and self-love are increasingly rare. People, too busy analyzing and evaluating others, often forget to offer themselves kindness and appreciation—elements essential for a meaningful life.
A Warm, Healing Light
Self-love can be a warm, healing energy—a light that springs from the depths of our being and gradually spreads throughout us.
“At its core, everything should flow from within to the outside. There is no lack of love, for love exists everywhere, in different forms. If love arises from within, it becomes infinite. Life offers countless aspects to love… Kind-hearted people, children, the elderly, flowers, butterflies, animals, fir trees, soft grass, the clear sky, warm summer rains, the quiet of the evening, sunsets and sunrises, snowflakes, crystal-clear water, the life-giving air… and, above all, God.” (Excerpt from the book Between Kiss and Pain)
Only when a human being embraces its essence and fully understands personal worth begins to shape its path—not as a shadow carried by the tides, but as a light that confidently finds its place in the world and the universe.
Anisoara Laura Mustetiu
#Inspiriation #Mindset&Motivation
